It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
