so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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