Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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