I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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