I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
