if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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