It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
