Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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