you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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