I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
