I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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