it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
