is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
