My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
