It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
