How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
