For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
