I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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