he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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