I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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