Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
