i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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