The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
