Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
