I just cut my nipple shaving
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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