I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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