I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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