your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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