yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
