Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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