Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
