if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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