Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
