The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
