first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
