Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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