Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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