I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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