4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
