Who did Billy Mays play for?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
