he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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