I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
