Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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