if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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