I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
