Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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