you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
