girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
