You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
