why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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