I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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