you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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