Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
