so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
