my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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