So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
