I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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