god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
