I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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