After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
