Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
