Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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