Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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