where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
