you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
