I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
