As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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